Saturday, January 28, 2012

So no news is neutral news at best

I haven't written in a while. I guess cause I didn't have a whole lot to say. I got through a tough and busy holiday season. My families were awesome and so supportive. I couldn't ask for more fun gifts. It's very apparent that they would do whatever it takes to make me happy. I'm very loved. Also, I'm very behind in my thank you cards. Eric is amazing and never gives up faith in me even when I have none of my own.

Truth be told, it's been pretty rough, not as much physically as emotionally. Chemo is a cumulative effect. In laymen's terms that means it gets worse and sucks more each time. The idea is to beat your system down systematically to kill the cancer cells.

I had a scan this week that showed no to slight worsening progress. 1 mass stayed the same size, 1 mass decreased in size slightly, and 2 masses inscreased slightly. Since October. Meaning that all the pain and suffering that I've endured since October has only, at best, kept the cancer at bay but has made little to no progress. Super bummer. 

 Most days I try to keep a positive attitude, but it's hard. I feel pretty sick and debilitated by chemo side-effects on most days. I can shower, do my makeup and look like a normal person; most days though I feel like a disappointment.  I've pretty much turned my life into what I've deemed as a "hairball". That's the best way to describe it.

So the next steps are..... I don't know. It could be more chemo of different kinds. It could be going to NIH. It could be wait and see. I've got an appointment Monday with my doctors to discuss options. I have options.

I have options and a good support network, good friends, and a loving fiancee. Wedding planning has been fun if not a little distracting. If anyone wants to take on mini wedding tasks to help me out let me know. I'm really looking forward to my shower coming up in the beginning of March and a colon cancer walk in the end or March (more details to follow). Wedding of course in April. Super congrats to my friends Kelly & Ian who got engaged and will be getting all my good leftover wedding swag :)

So that's the 411 on me. Good/Bad/Indifferent that's the news. New motto is : Just keep swimming.

Thanks to Rachel who's been a great rock and support in this mess. With her and my sister, Lisa, and brother Jacob, I feel like I have a few zen masters to keep me balanced and focused on what's important: getting better and fighting another day.