If I was going to be honest, sometimes I have really bad days. I realize that I blog when I feel good enough to blog and as a result, a lot of my posts have been positive. For the most part I try to stay positive. You feel better. Really. And it's just nicer to be around. Plus, it's not great to dwell on how bad you feel.
However, sometimes it's really hard to stay up beat. I had a great weekend with my future mother-in-law - who probably learned more about me and my family then she needed to know. It was just tough sometimes. My hip hurt really bad - the right hip, the one with cancer. As a result, I limped all over Charlottesville and as a result of the limping, my other hip hurt the next day. I went to bed at 8:00 each night because I was so tired. I almost threw up in the car ride down (I mentioned that last post I know, but it was so bad it warranted another mention). I had to use my heating pad a lot because of the pain in my arms and hip. Thanks to Jacob, who knew I wanted heated it up for me even when I didn't ask. He's such a good brother. I'm so lucky.
Worst of all, my mom and future mother-in-law (MOG in wedding abbreviations) had to listen to me complain a lot. If I'm complaining a lot, that means I'm also depressed because now I'm focusing on being sick. We had to sit in Panera for an hour after our meeting with the DJ because I was in so much pain and had no energy to move.
I write all this for a couple reasons. One, I wanted to write an honest post about how this weekend went. It was great. I felt great a lot, but I also felt bad some. Two, I think it's important for people to know how chemo really goes. Third, and most importantly, I love when people post encouraging things on my blog and on my facebook wall. I'm so vain I know, but it makes me feel better.
As I write this, I should toast to my cousin Dale, who always writes me nice messages and will probably be the first to comment on this. I get a lot of encouraging messages, but Dale is the best. So here's to Dale who's post always makes me happy. And yes, I remember the bubbles incident and it still makes me queasy.
XOXO You're on to me, first to comment! I am such a Patti stalker, it isn't even funny. I feel like it's the only way I can show my love from Pennsylvania.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are honest, because that's what we need to hear! We know it isn't all puppies and rainbows - you are dealing with cancer after all! It's admirable to try to stay upbeat and only post the positive - but friends/relatives want to know all the nitty gritty so we can be here for you. We don't want only a facade of Patti - we want the full Patti! :)
And while you are expected to have days of self pity and depression, just remember -
"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." ~Winston Churchill
and also
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
~Herm Albright
XOXOXOXOXO
Patti,
ReplyDeleteI just read through all of your blog posts from August and September. I am impressed by your positive attitude as you go through this trial. You have been in Ross and I's thoughts and prayers.
Thinking of you in Minnesota,
Jodi Olson